A Comedy of Errors

Watching TV in Pakistan is akin to watching a 'comedy reality tv documentary sitcom' piece of programming. Unfortunately the boredom from watching one genre tends to bore viewers or perhaps not.



Apart from Headline News on just about every news channel, which I have no grievance with, the host of talk show programming from Hamid Mir, Talat Hussain Shaheed (just about since the Uncle survived the attack on the Palestinian aid flotilla), a transvestite Ali Saleem, a world class maniac Zaid Hamid, the 'Armageddon' specialist Dr Shahid Masoooooud (emphasis on the extra Os), Mr Faisal Qureshi of Bang-e-Dara (or is it Zara?) and of course numerous others who feature at different times of the day and night.



Now the subject and discussion of these talk shows is simple crap and BS to say the least. From featuring conspiracy theories and discussions to exclusive scoops with ex-generals, ex-ISI, ex-thinktanks, ex-economists, ex-ministers, ex-PIA, ex-Pakistan Steel, ex-Railways and so on and on. Now these glorymen of the past are sublime examples of tomfoolery and skulduggery! After having had their attempts on governance and having spent years and decades in power they are delighted to let loose their tongues which over the years have been seldom used (at least for good tasks).



These specialists come up with amazing examples of how, where, what and when various incidents in Pakistan's history have occurred and with all ulterior and interior motives diced and sliced by these 'honorable' men. So if these know-it-alls and see-it-alls were so gifted, whatever did they do for the good of the country and all those who reside in the Land of The (almost) Pure?

Moving on to a more serious protagonist - the politicians who feature on national prime, off prime and late prime TV - the Fauzia Wahabs, Babar Awans, Rana Sanaullah, The Lions of the Punjab - with recently transplanted manes, Gen. Hameed Gul (hes almost as powerful as God, Nauzoobillah), Mr Gilani with his powerful gestures and empty words, the great President himself (he deserves a separate post, cannot dilute him within this column), Salman Taaseer (apart from stalking and threatening girls on twitter) and a host of others. Now these people have repeatedly bungled on and off TV shows, in interviews, youtube videos - (remember the loving push and shove of Gilani and Ms. Sherry Rehman?) etc etc.





And then to top it all - they keep coming back for more?
From a viewers perspective watching the same people day in and out, with some rotation on channels and across different imbecile hosts all i can say is "yuck."

Perhaps its an attempt to de-sensitize the Pakistani "awaam", to immunize them to idiots so we can bear and tolerate even more of them. Or perhaps its a blatant drama, a comedy of errors, a comedy for those who produce and air it, while those who watch keep entering a quicksand - a quagmire of sand, frustration and even worse a future that is as dark as the faces who have have set it out for us.

May Allah Help us All, Inshallah and Ameen.


P.S.  I forgot to mention a madman and a religious sex symbol the clean, suave and cunning Dr Aamir Liaquat Hussain with his seductive tone of voice, the well cut beard, the flashy sherwanis and kurtas and the homicidal grin and close-ups. If men are him are the new religious expert then God help us all....His program should have been called "Jaahil Online"!

In the Land of the Blind, the One-Eyed Man is King!

Choose the lesser amongst the two evils, something frequently referred to by people, wise and prudent people, on making a choice in a tough situation, a tough choice naturally.




In the context of Pakistan, my beloved country, the land of the Pure (its changed now) the choices all seem to be hinged around and on evil entities and people. Now I cant really classify people as good and evil, only the Gracious and Almighty Lord Has the Wisdom, Ability and Power to do that. My interpretation of evil comes in when people try their utmost best to hurt, damage, kill, destroy other people and all for their own self-interest and gain.

We have plenty of those around in Pakistan, certainly the land of the Pure has succeeded in breeding a lot of the impure kind, which seems fair since the only way to benchmark good is to make it stand with bad.
Somewhere along the way we forgot to stop the production of the bad and the evil - a probable result based on the ideology that was taught to the masses. In a lot of cases this was the resultant of the lack of an ideology, in our case Islam.
Power concentrated in the hands of a few leads to power abused, the few suppress many, the ones who know create fear, doubt, hate and suspicion in the minds and hearts of those who dont, the tall and fair rule over the short and dark, the Syeds superior to the non-Syeds, the Pirs and fake Sufi descendants over the regular motley of Muslims, the Muslims over the others....
The hierarchy of abuse continues, from one level to the next....and so on.

So what if we do have a choice? We do seem to have used choices in the past, made choices in tough times.
The problem is that choice requires democracy, certainly people over the last 40 years did not choose General Ayub, the disgraced and disgraceful idiot Gen. Yahya, the biggest idiot of them all Gen. Zia-ul-Haq, the larger than life liberalist and loud-mouthed Gen. Musharraf. These "Journals" did manage to increase FDIs, GDP growth etc. but in the end all that they brought was trouble and misery.



Coming to the choices we made - we chose the Sharif clan, the Bhutto clan at times. The former a legacy and stooge of the Great Afghani Jihad Russian Defeat and ISI Military Strategist Master Tactician General called Zia-ul-Haq, now respectfully buried in the Faisal Mosque - an act of charity by the noble Saudi King Faisal.
The latter started off with the Daughter of the East, the daughter of a man who was a great orator and a master at making talk - destructive talk which started off with the breaking away of East Pakistan and now Bangladesh. The daughter herself was talented, very forward looking and Pakistan-oriented, unfortunately the very nature of her daddys politics were inbuilt into her own system - the Sindhi feudal lord and Zamindar approach. Like father like daughter.



So there we go, we chose Benazir, we chose Nawaz Sharif and the same in quick and reverse order and then to honor the former we chose her better half (or is it worse?) and elected the party of probably the most corrupt men on this continent, if not the planet.

Am convinced now and with all certainty, that in the Land of the Pure and at times the Blind and those who turn the other Way, the One-Eyed Man is King. Only problem is that we haven't even been able to find the one-eyed man.


Keep walking and keep hoping...

May Allah Help us all!

The Bitter Truth about Sugar

As sugar prices rise and winter temperature falls a normal supply demand issue takes Pakistanis to the brink of yet another crisis.



This might not be a life threatening situation - this is not about terrorism, the Taleban, India, RAW, conspiracy theories, militants, the ISI or one of those many issues that have left us limping at best.

Its about the state of despondency that our leaders and caretakers have plunged us in, sugar is simply one of the many items on the list that keeps coming up time and time again. No controls, no protection, no common sense, no protecting the interests of the poor - its all about self-gain, greed and more greed.

The sugar mill owners, the land-owners, the agricultural barons and the politicians - they are all either from the same lobby or group if not playing these multiple roles.
The TCP blames the government, the government blames the TCP, then they blame the sugar-cane growers who in turn blame the mill owners, who then blame the wholesalers and middlemen for hoarding the product. Amidst all this pulling and pushing and shoving no one gives a flying f__k for the poor people caught in between who are being dealt blows, day by day, and week on week!



Pathetic but who cares, as long as the bellies of the rich and wealthy continue to grow, protrude and enhance at faster than normal rates its all good, all acceptable.
The current government, the leaders of now, are the choice of the majority, the tragic choice made by a people who tend to be more emotional than rational, perhaps thinking they were doing good karma with a leader who bit the dust in a rally, loved and hated at the same time.

It is with great sorrow that I announce yet another injustice that has prevailed and will continue to do so in the Democratic Islamic Republic of Pakistan controlled by the heirs of the Bhutto dynasty -  a dynasty that has brought untold misery and gloom into our state of affairs.
Maybe we deserve it, maybe we dont, the consequences of an action that was perhaps taken in haste.

Some friends, colleagues, and intellectuals claim that this is the price one has to pay for democracy after years of military rule and martial law domination. I hope that the price paid is not too high.......



Sugarly (for lack of a better word) yours,

Zeeshan

The Begging Bowl of Pakistan

Several weeks ago - an article appeared on several websites - Express Tribune and TOI (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/pakistan/Tom-Cruise-asks-fans-to-donate-for-Pak-flood-victims/articleshow/6456403.cms). The article spoke about the efforts of a blogger - Natasha Jahangir to get celebrities to tweet for the Pakistan cause. Tom Cruise was one of the many people that she tweeted - the news got international attention.
Now this is a commendable effort and good to see celebrities tweeting for Pakistan and helping the helpless flood victims - innocent victims at the hands of a government and establishment which only believes the elites are worth living.
Coming back to the reality check here - a few gifted, educated and upper class Pakistanis tweeting and talking to celebrities with grandiose plans nobleness and goodness.
My cause for complaint is simple - are we left with nothing to do ourselves, depending on others for something which I agree was a major disaster but no response in kind coming from our much vaunted leaders - the scions of democracy in a ravaged country - not by the floods but by a bigger man made evil.



Whether its our president, our prime minister, the people of Pakistan - the privileged, noble and educated - everyone has proved to be disappointingly detached from the reality of everyday life and existence. So while people on twitter ask tom cruise, beyonce, oprah winfrey etc. to donate and tweet they themselves are stuck in a bubble with the other abusers of power - the bhuttos and the elite political figures ranging from fatima bhutto to other notable symbols.
So this is the way we close out then? the final farewell - dying with a begging bowl in our hands, no dignity, no shame and no sense of pride - all because its convenient, easy and doesnt require a personal sacrifice. Sacrifice the greater good for personal accomplishment.
Long live the begging bowl and the holder of that bowl!

Pakistan Zindabad?!? Not long left now....

The Sabz Parcham hangs lower and lower

Tennis diplomacy

Am sure you have all heard of ping pong diplomacy, now this is a new term that a wise old friend of mine has coined. He feels that Aisam ul Haq's path to the mixed and mens doubles finals will ensure that Pakistan sees some positive press and this will act as a distraction for the Zionist, one-sided and anti-Pakistan world media....

I tried to argue with him, that a tennis player cannot change the map of the world, heck not even Rod Laver could.....maybe its unfortunate that Federer happens to be Swiss, otherwise we would have a lot of positive media attention going on, maybe we could purchase him off the level-headed Swiss or maybe not...

The point is simple and yet not comprehensible for a lot of people out here....as a country you cannot be judged on the exploits of your sportsmen - hopefully not with all the bad press that Salman Butt and teen prodigy/bowler Mohammad Aamir have brought on the country. These are add-ons, appetizers at the most, a nations path to progress is built by people working together in unity and harmony with each other. A common cause, a common goal, a common foe perhaps......but the end result is grafted and crafted by millions of minds and hands with good positive energy and intentions.

Tennis is a great game but from Pakistan's perspective, not that great.
Sorry to break your heart my friend....

Hamid Mir: Discussion with the Taleban!

Transcript of Hamid Mir’s conversation

Hamid Mir: Many bombings are being carried out.

Unidentified man: Let’s see. There will be more of them. There are some in the pipeline. What do they (government) say about the operation in Orakzai? Will they stop it or not?

HM: No, they say it would not be stopped, rather they say they will also start an operation in North Waziristan and 40,000 troops will leave in a couple of days.

UM: In North Waziristan?

HM: Yes.

UM: Do you have any report on Khalid Khawaja etc.

HM: They say Khalid Khawaja Saab is in custody of one Azam Afridi in Darrakhel.

UM: Yes, yes Tariq Afridi (correcting HM).

HM: They are in Tariq Afridi’s custody.

UM: OK.

HM: Yes.

UM: So, are they men of the government or ISI?

HM: Who?

UM: These, Khalid Khawaja and Colonel Imam.

HM: Khalid Khawaja, according to my opinion, is not an ISI man, rather he is a CIA agent, an American CIA agent and he has links with the Taliban leadership.

UM: Yes, he met with Hakimullah and others when he came here last time.

HM: I personally know that Khalid Khawaja has links not only with CIA but he is also a front man of Mansoor Ijaz who belongs to a very big international network of Qadiyanis. Once he came to me along with Mansoor, who had a briefcase with him, and Khalid Saab told me that Mansoor is a key representative of the US government, so arrange his meeting with Syed Salahuddin, who is a mujahideen leader, and he along with him would resolve the Kashmir issue.

UM: All right.

HM: But I asked him what charm or magic lamp does he posses for the resolution of the Kashmir dispute. He said he had links with the Indian government and (Atal Bihari) Vajpayee Jee, which surprised me. I didn’t arrange the meeting, but I asked Mr Salahuddin who said Khalid Khawaja is sending messages that you should directly talk to India and the US on the issue and exclude Pakistan from it.

UM: All right, all right.

HM: After that, Mansoor Ijaz also asked me: Are you with us or not? I said, “I am not with you.” Then he conspired against me and got me sacked from the Daily Ausaf when I was its editor. So, I think Khalid Khawaja not only has links with the CIA but he is also an agent of the Qadiyanis, and I am very sad that he used to go to the Tribal Areas and meet leaders there.

UM: But now, I think, the Taliban have caught him and have demanded $10 million for the journalist.

HM: Do you know what part his (Khalid Khawaja’s) wife played in Lal Masjid?

UM: No, but it was something negative.

HM: It was that Maulana Abdul Rashid Ghazi Saab – may Allah bless him with a place in heavens. What he told me in his last days was, do you know that he did not completely agree with Maulana Aziz.

UM: Yes, yes.

HM: Mr Abdul Rashid Ghazi wanted to save the students inside the mosque and for that he showed flexibility and said, “I am ready to surrender on the condition that those who are with me will not be arrested and will be released.” But Khalid Khawaja’s wife was pressurised so much by Ume Hassaan that Maulana Abdul Aziz, without asking his brother, came out in a burqa, and Khalid Khawaja was involved in it (call disconnected).

UM: Assalam-o-Alaikum!

HM: Yes,

UM: The call got disconnected.

HM: Ok.

UM: So, what were you saying about his wife?

HM: Yes, I was telling you that his wife pressurised him so much that Ghazi Saab said, “She says we have to fight, just fight for martyrdom.” After that Mr Khalid Khawaja came out of the mosque and his wife also fled, Khalid Khawaja’s wife.

UM: Yes, we heard that she had fled after that.

HM: Yes, she ran away and then Maulana Abdul Aziz also came out in the burqa.

UM: I think, he insisted for that.

HM: Yes, he had done all this. After that Maulana Abdul Aziz was arrested and Mr Abdul Rashid Ghazi telephoned me and said, “Now, I don’t have any option. Now, my family and ulema have been defamed as my brother was arrested in a burqa and presented on Pakistan Television. This is a large stain which can only be removed with my blood.” So, he lived up to his words and sacrificed. So, Khalid Khawaja and his wife, anyone may know or not, they will have to answer before Allah Almighty.

UM: He, recently, came here and met my companions. He was saying, “You can work in Pakistan as we say, if you want to. I can arrange your ‘setting’ with an admiral in Mianwali. So, you should not burn US containers in Pakistan, you can rob them and sell them to a person recommended by us.” He was saying, “We would provide you everything for carrying out activities in Pakistan.”

HM: Do whatever you want to with the containers, burn them or rob them, I have nothing to do with it. But ask him what relationship he has with Mansoor Ijaz and William Casey? William Casey was the chief of CIA.

UM: Right, right.

HM: He (Khawaja) himself has confessed in front me that he had links with William Casey. Ok! Leave William, ask him about the Qadiyanis, because I personally believe that Qadiyanis are worse than infidels, what kind of links does he have with Qadiyanis? What relationship does he have with Mansoor Ijaz? Why does he use his money? Why does he go everywhere with him when he comes to Pakistan? Why does he bring him to the mujahideen?

UM: Yes, he has a son in al Qaeda.

HM: Yes, his son would also be a spy like him.

UM: Yes, I talked to the shaikhs about him. They said they were keeping him on the sidelines.

HM: His biggest betrayal to me was that there was a mujahid, Abdul Rehman Al Canady.

UM: Yes, there was one Canady.

HM: He was martyred in North Waziristan. He came to me with Canady’s wife and a daughter, saying Canady’s son, Karim, is at Rawalpindi’s CMH and is injured and the army had arrested him. He asked me to arrange a meeting between the injured and his mother. I said this is very difficult for me and I can’t do this because already they are all against me. But, he said all that you need to do is to arrange a meeting between a mother and her son. So, I arranged it with a lot of difficulties and sent the woman to Rawalpindi CMH, but when she reached there she took a camera out of her burqa and asked her son to record a message that he is innocent, has no links with anyone and has been kept here illegally. She was arrested there because a nurse saw her and seized the camera from her. But I was held responsible for all of it as they told me that I had sent this woman. It was revealed after her arrest that the woman had a Canadian passport and had visited Canada two months ago. After that I faced a lot of difficulties. The Canadian government released the woman and her daughter and then she went back to Canada. In Toronto, she held a press conference and admitted that she worked for the CIA. Now Khalid Khawaja has a long beard and his wife wears a full veil so people like us, who are involved in worldly affairs and have committed sins, believe that if we will help them, we might be forgotten for our sins. When these kinds of people betray us, we lose confidence on the religion itself.

UM: Absolutely, neither we are wrong nor is the army, but people like him have created the difficulties.

HM: However, if he is somewhere, ask him at least that you used the name of Abdul Rehman Canady, you worked with Mansoor Ijaz, you have worked William Casey. And there is one Javaid Ibrahim Piracha, who has a very big seminary in Kohat.

UM: Yes, yes.

HM: You all know the services of Piracha Saab. So, he fraudulently invited Piracha Saab in Islamabad and told him he wanted to arrange his meeting with a prominent personality. He took him to the US deputy foreign minister at Serena Hotel and said, “He is Mr Piracha and he can arrange your talks with the al Qaeda and Taliban.” Piracha Saab is a well-educated person. I observed that he was betrayed and came out of the room and escaped from there. Then he called me and said, “You were right about him (Khalid Khawaja).”

UM: Right, right. He went to him last time.

HM: Yes, Piracha Saab told me about that. He said, “He came to me and Col Imam was also here and told Col Imam that don’t go anywhere with this guy.” He (Piracha) said, “What can I do if he comes here and I can’t force him out of my house, but you don’t go anywhere with him.” Mr Piracha said Col Imam didn’t want to go with Khalid Khawaja, but he forced him to go with him.

UM: Right, maybe to use as human shield. But Shah Abdul Aziz, that MNA of Kirk, is supporting him a lot. He was meeting everyone here and asking for his release.

HM: He would have fooled Shah Abdul Aziz.

UM: Yes, he was asking people to release him and said you may keep the journalist, whose ransom will be paid to you by him.

HM: Ok! His release depends on them who have kept him, but convey them these three questions that what is your link with Mansoor Ijaz, whose father fled with the atomic secrets of Pakistan. Mansoor Ijaz’s father was an atomic scientist and he fled to the US with the atomic secrets of Pakistan. Once he (Ijaz) offered Benazir Bhutto a quid pro quo deal in 1995 that all the debts of the country will be forgiven, if she recognised Israel. That means he was also an agent of Israel.

UM: Yes, he used to ask my companions to work in Pakistan “as we say”. Actually, the killings of brigadiers in Rawalpindi might have been arranged by him, I think.

HM: It might be possible, but I have been watching this guy for the last 13 or 14 years and he is a suspected man.

UM: OK. Inshallah, I will meet Hakimullah in two or three days and talk to him about all this.

HM: All right

UM: Thank you so much.

HM: Assalam-o-Alaikum!

UM: Assalam-o-Alaikum!

So some brilliant stuff by our gifted friend Hamid and his so called source of news on the other side. Now this is the man that we all love to watch on TV and listen to his intelligent ramblings and analysis of politics!

Pakistan and Cricket!

As the cricket semi-final between Australia and Pakistan draws to a close, with the former snapping up a victory against the odds, one starts to wonder why our boys can't be that intelligent.
I do admit that a cricketer is a Pakistani and as such is an integral part of what we represent - the mannerisms, the attitude, approach, IQ perhaps??!!!
Maybe it is part of their national character to fight against the odds, when the chips are down and when the going gets tough!
Mentally strong and resolute and moving beyond personal gain or satisfaction! That my friends is the name of the game!

Cheers!

Balochistan - Interesting Read

Interesting reading on the Balochi issue, country within a country.

End of Tarin's reign

Another one bites the dust - the political demise of the Pakistani Finance Minister.

He has quoted the reason for his withdrawal as "private business focus" - but seems a bit odd, does it not?

Time will tell....